


FANSITE

by Zellepotch



Category: Day6, JYPE, myday - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, F/M, Fiction, Gen, Love Confessions, Romance, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:21:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24455113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zellepotch/pseuds/Zellepotch
Summary: Hiding behind her camera, she snapped yet another picture of him. The non-stop shutter sounds from her DSLR blended into the surrounding hysterical screams. Nothing new, nothing different. Just the usual craziness whenever Day6 showed up in public. Her face cringed when a camera was shoved in the idol’s face. The crowd was overwhelming and the situation was almost out of control. She tried hard to stay balanced despite the pushing. Then, she was pushed, a little too hard. She fell to the ground but her hands were too busy protecting her camera instead of breaking the fall.It hurts. And she heard laughing as she looked up.Welcome to the world of a fansite master.One that hides away behind the HD photos and videos you see online.“Loving you from afar hurts but being closer to you hurts more, because we will always be near yet so far…..
Comments: 11
Kudos: 10





	1. CHAPTER 1

“Oppa! Oppa! “The girl screamed desperately, shoving her gift into Wonpil’s hand. 

Hiding behind his shades, he could barely see who the giver was but he still muttered a quick “thank you”. The manager was trying hard to lightly push away fans that were blocking the way to the departure gates. It was always been chaos ever since Day6 climbed to their career peak. Even overseas, their popularity had never failed to surprise even Day6 themselves. Then, Sungjin felt someone touch him form the back and he cringed in discomfort. Walking faster with a stern face on, he sucked his cheeks in and rolled his eyes. He adjusted his beanie and looked up. Then he spotted a familiar figure from afar. 

She was holding onto a huge DSLR camera, pressing onto the shutter non-stop. He forced a smile on his face in her direction despite all the crazy happenings around him. She smiled faintly and after a few satisfactory shots, she climbed down the stool. Grabbing her hand-carry bag, she followed behind the crowd to the departure gates. Then more fans joined from the back and the fansite masters found themselves being sandwich between fans. The crowd was pushing each other in order to get closer to the boys. The manager’s voice could be heard screaming for fans to stop. IT never did. 

Hiding behind her camera, she snapped yet another picture of him. The nonstop shutter sound from her DSLR blended into the surrounding hysterical screams. Nothing new, nothing different. Just the usual craziness whenever Day6 showed up in public. Her face cringed when a camera was shoved in the idol’s face. The crowd was overwhelming and the situation was almost out of control. She tried hard to stay balanced despite the pushing. Then, she was pushed, a little too hard. She fell to the ground but her hands was too busy protecting her camera instead of breaking the fall. 

It hurts. And she heard a laugh as she looked up. 

“I am sorry, I hope that did not hurt too much,” The fan said with a smirk.  
Her supposed friends laughed along with her, looking down at Ara. Some of the mydays stopped to watch but none dared to help her up. Ara saw Sungjin and the other boys walking ahead with the fans trailing behind them. Nope, it had never crossed her mind that he would see her tripping and walk back to help her up. She had never harbored hope for Sungjin to appear like a knight in shining armor to rescue a damsel in distress. After all, this was no fan fiction or SBS drama. 

“What the fuck” She cursed under her breath, rubbing her hurting knees. 

“What’s wrong, Ara?” Familiar voices chorused as they ran back for her. 

Standing up with the help of other fansite masters, she stared at the girl. 

“So… You want to play?” she taunted, limping forward. 

“I’m afraid you can’t afford to play though” She continued and the other fansites stared fiercely too. 

The culprit bit her lips in fear before scrambling off with her friends. 

“You okay?” Jongmin who was holding onto her left arm asked gently. 

“Yes, I am fine. Thanks, you can focus your attention on Dowoon now?” She joked. 

Flashbacks screened in her mind as the soreness spread at her joint. Ara could still recall how she used to coward away in fear when such things happened. She would smile and wave things off in the past. Such incidents were bound to happen with the irrational jealousy of other fans. However, she was no longer the same Ara. The other fansite master had taught her the true way to protect herself. They had to be cold to prevent people from taking advantage of them and pushing their limits. They must portray themselves to be untouchable class of fans. 

Since then, she had hidden behind her cold demeanor. She had only allowed her walls to crumble before certain people. 

While other fans stood outside the departure gates in disappointment, the fansite followed the boys in. Ara caught the fangirl and her friends scoffing at her. She stared back at them and not forgetting, shot them a victorious smirk. Past the departure gates, the fansites followed the boys from a distance and zoomed with their professional DSLR cameras to take pictures of them. The boys turned occasionally and waved at them. 

Ara spotted Sungjin’s gaze looking down from her camera screen. She put her camera down and traced his gaze. 

He appeared to be looking at her bruised knees and when he looked up she caught his eyes. 

“Gwenchana?” she figured out from his mouthing. 

She melted. 

Ara nodded with a thankful smile and he nodded back in acknowledgment. 

The boys waved to the fansites before entering a restaurant. 

“I thought you wouldn’t know…” she mumbled with her tears welling up in her eyes. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” ShinYe, a fellow Sungjin fansite asked. 

She shook her head and replied “Nothing” 

If you are going to be like this, I will never be able to stop.


	2. CHAPTER 2

The fansites gather around a table. Nobody spoke after the meal as everyone was busy.

Laptops, DSLR, tablets, smartphones are scattered on the table as the fansites busied themselves to update a couple of their newly taken photos. 

Everyone knew that the faster and more active their updates bring more followers. Silently, they compare. 

“Everyone done?” One of them spoke. 

“Let’s go”

The fansites boarded the plane within the next 20 minutes and a few were off to dreamland the moment they made themselves comfortable on the plane seats. Day6 had a schedule in Taiwan yesterday and today, they are going to Japan. And so the fansites too barely slept a wink before flying off again. The plane seemed like their second home sometimes. For some, it was considered their only home. 

“Is that your family?” ShinYe asked as she played with Ara’s LV wallet, noticing her family photo. 

She nodded. 

“That’s nice… I wish my family was still around. I-I…” she paused with a bitter smile. 

“Lost them in an accident a few years ago” 

“Hey…” Ara whispered concealing any hints of sympathy in her voice. 

“But it’s okay, I have them and that’s enough” She wiped the screen of her DSLR of a picture of Day6

“My family, they probably wished I weren’t around” Ara replied. 

“At least they are still here for you” ShinYe mumbled as she snuggled into the seat, eyes closed. 

Ara held onto her hands as she fell asleep with a smile across her face. 

A tear slid out from the corner of her eyes. 

“I wish you meet them in your dreams,” Ara thought. 

It was a short flight and a packed schedule ahead. The fansites barely had time to rest at their hotels before rushing to the concert venue with their fan goods. 

“Thank you so much. This is for all of you” The Japanese mydays said with a pretty smile.  
Japanese mydays have always been so kind and polite, Ara thought. 

“Thank you” She bowed accepting their chocolate. 

Let’s keep loving Day6 until the end!

“Until the end” she mumbled to herself. 

The concert started with a video flashed across the screen. Screams aroused from everywhere as the individual members’ faces were shown on the screen. Some fans cried, some fans laughed, some fans screamed while others were too busy taking pictures or videos that they forgot to enjoy the moment. The curtains dropped and the boys jumped onto the stage. They did their Japanese greetings and bowed one by one. Not forgetting, they flashed their smiled and did many fan service for mydays. 

“Let’s go” Jae yelled into the mike and Dowoon started his drums. 

Fan chants accompanied their songs and the boys continued to play their instrument. Sungjin smiled in Ara’s direction and she hit the shutter rapidly. Every time he did it, she felt like the melted into an unrecognizable puddle. Park Sungjin was the package of manliness, charisma, looks, talent, vocal, basically, everything, and perhaps that was why he was destined to be that shining star on stage. She was only fit to be a tiny part of the green ocean supporting him from below. However, she was still glad that out of everyone here, he saw her. He knew her existence and that was the most she could wish for. 

Ara was satisfied or so she thought.

“I love you!” she placed her DSLR down and shouted together with the others. 

For once, she wanted to relive how it was like to be a normal fan. 

She missed the days when she could go hysterical for successfully purchasing a front seat raw online. She missed the days when she only had a light band with her and she would wave it so hard until the light went out. Sometimes, she missed being a normal myday and not a fansite with ten thousand followers and ten thousand commitment. Ara sighed before taking out her DSLR after 10 minutes. She steadied her hands and contained her excitement, recording the remaining performance until the encore. 

The fansite headed back to their hotels, discussing the photos they took at the concert venues. Showing each other their favorite shots, they spazzed excitedly. Ara looked out of the window, wondering how her family was doing in Seoul. She wondered if her parents had their dinner and whether her sister was doing her homework. She hoped her sister wouldn’t fall asleep on the table again. 

From: Hyun Joo  
Eonnie! How’s the concert in Tokyo?  
I saw your updates on Twitter, all of them are ssoooo handsome tonight *~*  
By the way, dad and mom are asking me when you’re back…

To: Hyun Joo  
-6 pictures sent-  
Here are some of my favorite shots for tonight. Your favorite YoungK for you. I will be back after a week.  
Sleeping soon, nights. Sleep early today, don’t study too hard! Fighting!

Upon receiving the message, Ara threw her phone onto her bed and kicked the teddy bear off the bed. 

There was a fan sign the next morning so most of them turned in after washing up.  
Removing her make-up, their lethargic faces showed how sleep-deprived and tired they were. 

“Good night everyone!”

“Ne~” They chorused. 

The next day

Ara held onto her album, practicing a perfect smile. She notices Sungjin was in a jolly mood today. It was not the fake happy mood he was in sometimes. The Sungjin façade was shed and thrown away completely today, she was glad. He was genuinely happy and she wondered if something good has happened recently. Kneeling before him, she passed him her album. Their fingers brushed past each other and Ara bit her lips. She blushed. 

“Your face is red…” Sungjin pointed out in amusement. 

She blushed harder, placing her hands on her face. Her cheeks were burning as she averted his gaze. Sungjin laughs cutely, placing his palm on her head. 

“You are so cute” He complimented. 

The crowd screamed at their oppa’s actions and she felt her heart racing. ShinYe who was kneeling beside Ara, before Wonpil frowned. 

“H-have you eaten?” she managed to choke out those words. 

“Yes, eat well tonight too! Arasso?” he asked. 

She smiled brightly and nodded. 

Taking her sighed album, she moved onto the next member. 

YoungK smiled knowingly at Ara and sighed her album. 

“Why do you like Sungjin so much?”

She looked up at YoungK in both surprise and confusion. 

************“Outside the gates of your castle, I want to be there until your princess arrives”


	3. CHAPTER 3

“I-I….” Ara stammered, avoiding YoungK’s intensified gaze. 

She had been asked this question multiple times. Her parents, her friends, other fansites had asked her that before. She could go on and on listing all the positive qualities of Sungjin but she didn’t know why before the other Day6 member, she couldn’t utter a single word. Within seconds, the built-up tension faded away as YoungK flashed his smile at her.  
“Just kidding. Here you go” He passed the signed album back to her. 

Ara was about to leave when YoungK spoke again. 

“Sungjin, he deserves mydays love” 

“You too, oppa”

“Thank you, Ara-ssi” 

YoungK smiled. This time, it was genuine. 

Ara returned home by midnight with her luggage emptied of the fan goods. The lights were out and she figured everyone was probably sleeping. Dragging her luggage into the room, she took care not to wake her sister up. Placing her camera on the table, she sat on the bed tiredly. Hyun Joo rolled over, rubbing her eyes. 

“I am sorry for waking you up” Ara apologized gently, ruffling her messy hair. 

“Was Japan fun?” she blurted out in her half-awake state. 

In the darkness, Ara could barely make out her sister’s nod.

The next morning. 

“Ara is back” she vaguely heard her mother’s acknowledgment. 

“She will probably be gone tomorrow or the day after that” Her father replied, closing the door behind them. 

Ara closed her eyes, brushing aside the hints of bitterness in her father’s words. It was time to pay off her sleep debts. Approximately at 3 PM, Ara woke up to a text from their Kakao talk group chat. The fansite wanted to gather for dinner. She washed up and put on some light makeup before leaving the house. On their dining table, she left a note for her mom not to make dinner for her. 

“Hey” ShinYe waved excitedly to Ara. 

“Before we eat, let’s take a picture” Lea suggested. 

“How about burger hearts?” ShinYe posed the idea. 

Everyone did Day6 favorite burger hearts and took pictures. If not for the sajangnim urging them to eat before the food turns cold, they had totally forgotten to tuck in. It was a habit for them to take such outing pictures and post it on SNS or Instagram. Truth be told, a part of them wanted others to see that they had a life apart from chasing the boys. They wanted others to know that they too had friends and would go for gathering like this, just like any teen or adult. Watching everyone dig in, chatting happily at random encounters in Japan, Ara smiled to herself. 

Ara had always wondered if they didn’t like Day6, would everyone have met each other in some way or another in life? Would they be able to become close friends like this? Or would they live without crossing each other’s path? Nevertheless, she was glad. She fell in love with a boy called Sungjin and because of him, she met these wonderful people. 

“Yah, what are you thinking? You’re so out if!” ShinYe stuffed a Sashimi into her mouth.  
Ara could barely laugh with her filled mouth as she stuffed some vegetables into ShinYe’s mouth in retaliation.

The night was filled with laughter, chattering, and squabbling. 

“Thank you” The girls bowed to the sajangnim after settling the bill. 

“Get home safely” Sajangnim replied. 

“Ne” They chorused, putting on their shoes. 

The started hailing cabs. The sashimi restaurant never fails to amaze Ara each time she visited. The collections of fan stickers, banners, photo cards, and other merchandise in the restaurant were crazy. 

On her way home, Ara watched the waters and the city lights reflecting off its surface shimmering. She smiled, capturing the beautiful sight with her bare eyes. 

“See you soon!” Ara said, waving goodbye to ShinYe. 

Soon, as in next week- mutually understood. Day6’s schedule had also become their schedule for the past years. When Day6 toured the world for the first time in their ‘Youth’ tour, they toured around the globe as well. People mocked that they were like shadows. Ara wanted to think that they were like the moon, and Day6 is their sun. Sometimes, Ara wonders if she hadn’t followed them, what would she be doing with her life. Perhaps, she would be studying in a local university like Hyun Joo. However, she was certain without her sun, her world would be darkness. She would not be happy, because she wouldn’t have these amazing friends and Sungjin. A life without Sungjin was something she didn’t want to imagine it. Not at all. 

“I’m home!” Ara announced softly, stepping into the house.  
She was greeted with darkness, once again. It was nothing new but every time, she still couldn’t help but feel empty inside. 

He stopped stirring the tea before him and shifted his body closer to sniff its scent. Reclining back into the sofa seat, he smiled with his eyes closed. It was such a simple act but how could it end up being so beautiful as a painting. Perhaps because he was Park Sungjin. 

Ara placed her camera down when she noticed him looking in her direction. 

“Why are you there?” he mouthed. 

Shaking his head in amusement, he stood up. Sungjin joined her at the desk, starling Ara a little as she shifted uncomfortably. 

Taking the seat opposite her, she crossed his leg casually. 

“What would you like to have?” he asked. 

“E-English breakfast tea” she stuttered slightly. 

“English breakfast that is” He looked towards the waiter who nodded in response. 

“You look beautiful today” Sungjin stated as if it was the simplest logic in the world. 

Looking up again, she locked eyes with him. 

“Why are you here?” he asked again with a gentle smile. 

Ara pondered hard and eventually, she blurted out, “I don’t know” 

He smiled at her response with that, she woke up. 

Ara laid back in bed, hoping to return to the simple yet beautiful dream. Even if it were just a few seconds more, a few more words exchanged, she was delighted. Because in the realms of dreams, she was finally no longer a fan and he was no longer an idol. 

“Just a while more!” she thought to herself, forcing herself to fall back asleep. 

******************************“The moon exists only because of the sun”


	4. Chapter 4

“You got Sungjin oppa a gift?” Ara glanced over at Hanna’s branded carrier. 

“I got him a new jacket, it cost 100,000 KRW” Hanna boated with a smug smile. 

“I see” Ara replied, adjusting her camera lens.

She dislikes it whenever Hanna treated her with hostility, both of them loved Sungjin and were the biggest Sungjin fansites following him since Day6’s debut. She knew that many of them would compare them; in terms of who have better HD pictures or whose camera Sungjin looked at more. She had seen how others would compare their followers' count, fan support participation, and even individual photo retweets. The extent that they go to disgusts her sometimes. However, it all comes in a package. They were no longer simple fans that loved Day6, after all. She knew it well but she was still slowly growing accustomed.   
Then, DAY6 entered the departure gates and the fansite masters immediately gathered together. Instantly, the airport resembled a press conference. Flashlights and shutters sounds were seen and heard everywhere. The airport staff seemed to have grown used to such scenarios as they moved inside calmly to observe. Sungjin took off his shades and adjusted his fringe cutely with one hand. Ara focused her camera at Sungjin and watched him pass his passport with a plush toy behind her camera. She laughed at his cuteness and continued to snap more shots. His mysterious and sometimes goofy personality made her fall deeper for him. 

The boys walked past the fansite masters who trailed behind them. Hanna jogged up to the boys and caught up with Sungjin. Walking by his side, she put her camera down. 

“Oppa, please accept this~” Hanna said with a bright smile, holding out her bag. 

“Thank you” Sungjin bowed slightly, accepting the gift. 

“Oppa, please accept this” YoungK mimicked, walking beside the two. 

Hanna blushed in response while Sungjin laughs with a hand over his mouth. Ara bit back a smile as she continued videoing the scene. The boys always had a way to make everyone comfortable. At such times, they didn’t feel like faraway stars anymore. They were like friends and Ara wished they were. YoungK continued to mimic Hanna’s words, causing her to blush further. It was rare seeing Hanna like this, Ara thought. She was truly embarrassed.   
“Stop it Oppa.” Hanna smacked YoungK lightly on his arm. 

“Ouch, Ouch” YoungK jokingly groaned holding his arms.

Sungjin turned back and looked at YoungK for a moment before continuing to walk.   
“DAY6 needs some rest already, please stop filming” The manager cut between the fansite masters and DAY6. 

The boys waved at the fansite masters as a final fan service before walking quickly ahead. Ara spotted Sungjin peeking into the bag Hanna passed him. He smiled and she knew he liked her gift. She made a mental note to get him something next time. 

|Who is she to hit YoungK like this? [+452,-12]

|Even if she is a fansite master, she cannot hit our DAY6 Oppa! [+652, -25]

|YoungK scratched his arm on their last vlive, was she even thinking when she hit him? [+526, -1]

| Shame on her [+864,-1]

| DAY6Forever should close down right now!!! [+1522,-12]

| A sasaeng fan right there! [+2521, -35] 

|SUNGshineJIN must be happy now that DAY6Forever is closing down! [+942, -52]

Ara scrolled through the forum with a deep frown. The moment they returned to Seoul from Hong Kong, news about Hanna hurting YoungK by accident started spreading. Video footage of the snipped scenes circulated on the net. It has grown out of control in such a short period of time. Suddenly, even international MYDAYS joined in and demanded her explanation. Many started to spam her accounts with negative remarks and demand for her account to close down. It had gotten serious. Ara knew very well that beneath Hanna’s strong front lies a soft girl who would be easily hurt by those dagger-like words.   
Those netizens knew nothing close to half the truth but they spoke as if they knew everything. They weren’t even there at the situation but they remarked as if they witnessed with their own two eyes. Ara recalled how YoungK jokingly cried out of pain to even tease Hanna who is already flush red because she is blushing so much. Sungjin even looked back once but he continued walking. If he was really hurt by Hanna’s light hit in the arm, Sungjin would have turned back for him and YoungK would not be smiling brightly. Their smile spoke otherwise. They weren’t bothered by Hanna’s instinctive reaction but their fans were extremely bothered. 

Everyone was holding it against Hanna. She was carried away playing with the boys because he teased her, but the irrational fans weren’t ready to hear this explanation. Ara went to Hanna’s fansite twitter profile, and she saw her individually replying to the fans who questioned her about the situation. However, the more she explained, the more twisted the truth gets. The words lashed out by fans got harsher and it hurts Ara just by reading at it. 

HOURS LATER…..

Dear All,   
I am sorry for the mistake I made at Incheon Airport today. I own up my mistake of hitting YoungK because I was carried away by his teasing. Just as everyone requested, I will close down my account and delete all pictures that are on display on my twitter, instagram, and website as a form of my apology. I am really sorry, I really am.   
-DAY6Forever.

The notice has finally come, many rejoiced at Hanna’s accounts being closed and people thought that Ara would too because her account suddenly had a spike of followers. However, she was far from being happy. It hurt her re-reading those sent double ticked Kakaotalk messages that went ignored and Hanna’s closure notice. She guessed Hanna would think she was being sarcastic and pretentious with her comforting message. Or perhaps she was simply not in the mood to reply to anyone. She knew more than anyone else her love for DAY6, the hardship they went through to build up their fansite fan base and in a blink of an eye, everything was gone. Her love for Sungjin remained but the love her fans had for her disappeared in seconds. 

“If only people didn’t jump into conclusion so readily. . . “Ara sighed. 

She would have spoken up for Hanna if she had agreed to her suggestion in the messages but she figured it would only make things worse. The fans would think the fansite masters were covering up for each other’s mistakes. They only wanted to believe in what they think is right. It seemed that the apologies and her heart to repent meant nothing. All that remained were forceful demands, hurtful words, and scars. 

Hanna left the group chat

**********************“Sometimes, what you hear, read or even see may not be the whole truth”


	5. Chapter 5

It was the first time that Ara found herself rushing to the airport knowing DAY6 would not be there. She ran as fast as she could the moment she got off the taxi. Then, she spotted her fellow fansite masters amidst the crowd. She caught up with them and they rushed hurriedly towards the departure gate together. People stared and nodded away, deducing the group was about to miss their flight. The girls couldn’t be bothered about what the bystander thought of them anyways. 

“Hanna” Ara shouted. 

She spun around in surprise upon seeing her friends lined up before her panting heavily. 

“Why are all of you here?” She gasped. 

“You idiot” ShinYe scolded as she ran up and hugged her. 

Hanna hugged the crying petite girl back with tears falling uncontrollably. The rest gathered around them and joined in for a group hug. Hanna found herself crying harder at the unexpected farewell by her friends. She had wanted to disappear quietly. She hated farewells because she knew this would happen. It only made "goodbye" harder. 

“How could you only tell Haru you were leaving. . . “ShinYe mumbled between tears.

“I am sorry” 

“Are you sure about this? You don’t have to-“ 

“I’ve always wanted to go to the states to further my studies, the incident only brought forward my decision. I am really fine, you don’t have to worry too much” She assured. 

“I will miss you” Ara confessed. 

“Me too” Hanna chuckled, wiping a strand tear from her cheek. 

“It’s time for me to board the plane” Hanna checked the time and said, putting her brightest smile. 

“Will meet again right?” Ara tugged at her sleeve sadly. 

“Yes, definitely” She responded. “DAY6 will have their tour 3 months from now remember” she added. 

Smiles lit up their faces at her response and they waved back at the leaving girl. 

“Take care of yourself” 

“See you soon” 

With that, Hanna entered the departure gates without turning back. 

They knew she probably didn’t want them to see her crying. 

Ara felt tears brimming in her eyes when she saw Sungjin entered the departure gates. He was wearing the gift Hanna gave him. It didn’t take her long to recognize it. Sungjin scanned the crowd and returned his gaze to the front. Ara felt her heart being squeezed as she looked at Sungjin wearing the jacket. She remembered the day when Hanna was brimming with excitement while holding onto the gift bag, waiting for Sungjin to appear. If she were here, she knew she would be jumping around in joy and blabber incoherent words. She always has a 4D side. 

Ara stopped walking when she notices Sungjin halted. He turned to his side and looked to Ara. He noticed she was still filming him and he smiled. Pointing at the jacket, he stared into her DSLR lens and whispered a soft ‘Thank you’. After which, he continued walking, leaving a dazed Ara behind. It happened so quickly that Ara thought she was imagining things. Ara felt a warm feeling in her chest at his actions. 

“Sungjin knew,” Ara thought to herself. 

Ara sent the video to Hanna the night and she knew she would probably be bawling her eyes out at the video. The girl must be overjoyed knowing Sungjin wore her gift and noticed her absence. Within the next hour, she received a reply from Hanna. Excitedly, she opened the chat. 

To; Ara   
He is making me miss him. Thank you, Ara. 

Ara had expected a reply filled with caps and incomprehensible typos but she didn’t have one. She was disappointed. 

To; Nicole  
You’re welcome! I missed you ): How was school?

Her reply came a week later, “it’s stressful but fun” Ara wondered if Hanna had found new friends, new besties, and a new life which didn’t consist of them. People always talked about how distance changes a relationship. Ara never really believed those words in the past.   
On a free day, Ara found herself sitting at the corner seat of Sungjin’s recommended café, reading her favorite book, and enjoying a cup of a caramel latte. She valued alone time, especially when she had things on her mind. Ara understood why Sungjin liked this café in particular. The café had a relaxing ambiance and it was always quiet. Ara closed the book, slipping in a bookmark between stopped pages. Her eyes were getting tired from hours of reading. Stepping out from the fantasy world in the book, she finally realized it was getting late. Somehow, the café reminded Ara of the café were Jae was sitting in one of their MV. Gathering her things, she stood up. Then, she thought she saw someone familiar. Despite his black cap, shades, and masks, it didn’t take long for her to realize who it was. Ara sat back in her seat and took her phone out. 

“Just a few shots,” She thought to herself. 

She has always been amazed at how Sungjin appeared so perfectly in her pictures. He was so beautiful, like a walking piece of art. In any scenario or location, he appears to be in a photoshoot in those pictures. Ara watched how Sungjin stopped stirring the tea before him and shifted his body closer to sniff its scent. Reclining back into the sofa seat, he smiled with his eyes closed. The exact actions he did was like a replicate of her dream scene. Ara gasped in response, wondering if he would not notice her and mouth, “Why are you here?”   
Ara felt her heart race quicker at the thought of it. 

“Sungjin Oppa!” She squealed, taking the seat beside him. 

“Did you miss me?” the girl asked, lying on his shoulder.

Ara watched Sungjin ruffled her long, wavy hair, and tears welled up in her eyes. 

********************“Promises remains as promises before they are discovered to be broken”


	6. Chapter 6

“Shall we go on a date today?” she suggested excitedly. 

Ara watched his exaggerated continuous nod at the girl before him.   
It was certainly Sungjin regardless of how many times she looked away and back at him.  
The tears forming in her eyes fell and Ara realized she was trembling as she puts her phone down. The couple left the café and Ara found herself trailing behind them like a puppy. She had always been following him but it had never occurred to her that she was pathetic. Not until today. She could have turned and left but her heart willed her to continue following them. 

“Maybe she was just a dongsaeng, or a cousin or a . . . “Ara found her mind making up excuses for Sungjin. 

Ara watched the girl remove his mask and beamed from ear to ear. 

He smiled and she watched her tiptoe, claiming his lips so righteously. It was late and the street lights gave her a good view. 

Sungjin deepened the kiss and Ara felt her heart-shattering. 

“Fans says that Sungjin looks exceptionally handsome these days, she comments asking if you have a girlfriend?” The emcee reading out the note. 

DAY6 member made noises at the question for the fun of it.

“My heart belongs to MYDAYS” Sungjin replied and covered his eyes with his hands shaking his shoulder from left to right. 

He was shy and it was so adorable. The fans screamed at his response. 

“Lies” She mumbled to herself. 

To be honest, Ara had known about the dark secret of the idol industry. Almost everyone in the industry had underground relationships and it was not uncommon where many companies bribed agencies to sweep dating scandals under the carpet. Ara knew Sungjin was probably lying when he said he didn’t have a girlfriend. But seeing them intimate like this made her feel hurt and deceived. After all, he was Park Sungjin, she would protect him with all her life, the one she devoted all her time and life to, and this was the best he could repay her love. 

It hurts. 

Ara turned her back against the scene and walked away with heavy steps. 

“Was that . . . DAY6’s Sungjin and an . . . Actress?” 

Ara snapped her head at the source of the voice and noticed a man with a bulky DSLR slung around his neck. It didn’t take her long to realize it was a Dispatch’s reporter. She had snuck into some of their press conferences. Ara bit her lips and trailed his gaze to the couple that entered the supermarket. 

He quickly followed into the supermarket and Ara found herself entering the same place. The reported eyes, were like those of a hawk, searching for its prey. Ara felt her heart racing in fear when she spotted Sungjin smiling so brightly at the fruit section around her, she felt bitter. Ara turned back and saw a reporter walking down another aisle, approaching soon. He had his camera already in his hands. If she had walked away now, they would get caught. And they would end up in a not so happy ending. But was that really what she wanted? 

“Screw this” She mumbled to herself. 

Kicking the stacked up baskets beside her in the directed of the approaching reporter, she faked a fall. Colliding into the middle-aged man who fell together with his camera, she hit the ground with him. Strings of cursed words came out from the man’s mouth as he checked his camera. Ara apologized repeatedly and scanned the fruit sections from the corner of her eyes. They are gone. She sighed a relief. 

“Another bottle of soju please” Ara shot her hands up in the air before collapsing on the table. 

“Here” The lady handed her, shaking her head. 

“Without you, what would my life be like . . . “she mumbled to herself. 

“I shouldn’t be acting like this right? “She laughed at herself. 

“After all, I am just a fan. And you are there” She pointed to the ceiling of the shop.   
The alcohol made her dizzy and she comfortably found the table a nice place to sleep. The lady boss shook her head, recognizing the fansite master. She decided to let her rest for a bit, wondering why she was in such a bad mood. 

“Eomma, I got this for you~” He sang handling the paper bag over. 

The mother and son enveloped in a quick hug and Wonpil kissed her on the cheek. 

“Oh. Isn’t this. . . .” He paused, realizing Ara sleeping at the corner of their restaurant. 

“She’s your fan right?” She noted. 

Wonpil nodded and corrected her in his mind “Sungjin’s fan to be exact”

“I will get your sister out to hail a cab for her.” She sighed, about to head to the kitchen.   
Looking at her face, Wonpil’s thoughts drifted back to their previous encounter at the fan meeting. 

“Sungjin, he deserves MYDAY’s love” 

“You too, Oppa” 

“Eomma, I will get the cab for her” He stopped his mother and smiled. 

“Are you sure?” She questioned worriedly. 

“Don’t worry” Wonpil said, taking out his mask from his pocket and putting it on. 

Ara woke up with a headache and a burning throat. She found a glass of water and a bottle of painkillers sitting at the top of her desks.

A note was below it and she recognized as her sister’s handwriting:

Unnie,   
Have some painkillers if your head still hurts tomorrow morning.   
Did anything happen? Why did you drink so much? ):

Popping a pill in her mouth, she swallowed it and went back to bed. She remembered there was a mixed concert schedule today at Busan but she didn’t feel like going. She couldn’t see Sungjin the same way as before and she wondered if he had spotted her. Sending a quick text to the group chat saying she was ill, she threw her phone aside. She cracked out a burst of dry laughter, recalling how they camped at the airport, and ShinYe bought ice packs from the convenience store to change for her every few hours. It was only after they took pictures of their airport arrival then she agreed to go to the hospital for emergency treatment. 

“I am pathetic for loving you like this right?” she laughed, yet again. 

*************************************“When it hurts too much, is it time to stop loving you?”


	7. Chapter 7

To: Ara  
Our high school classmates are gathering at Paradise café today, 7 PM. You will be coming right? 

Ara stared at her phone for a long time. Then, she started an endless cycle of typing and deleting her half composed responses. Exasperated, she threw her phone against the pillow and closed her eyes. Reopening them, she stared at her blank ceiling. She started to think her life resembled it. Ara couldn’t help but recall their previous high school gathering. 

~flashback~ 

“Oh Ara, you’re here” The class president waved enthusiastically.   
Ara joined the table and soon, everyone started to share their recent achievements. Through that, she learnt that their class enemies had dated for 2 years and was engaged recently. She learnt that her best friend was recently promoted had attained his bachelor in Medicine and was awaiting to be a house doctor. She learnt that most of her friends are doing well and it made her really happy. 

Then, someone asked “How about Ara?” 

“I am good” she replied simply, hoping people won’t probe further. 

“Are you studying or working?” Another person asked. 

“Errr. . . I am actually doing neither” Ara reluctantly replied eyes flickering around the room.

She saw the confused and curious gaze of her classmates. She didn’t like the attention. 

“Ara is a famous fansite master!” Ara’s best friend chipped in excitedly.

Ara stared at her best friend with the ‘it was supposed to be a secret’ gaze and she merely stuck out her tongue cutely. 

“Ah, you mean those fans that follow those idols or whatsoever around?” One of them remarked in distaste.

Ara forced a smile and nodded. 

“It’s such a waste, Ara I still remember you used to be one of our top scorers!” someone else chimed in. 

Ara smiled again. 

Indeed before them who were all successful, what was 500k followers on Twitter? What was a thousand of retweets? In their eyes, she was just a crazy fan who waste money chasing after idols. She was like a clean stab that achieved nothing in life, unlike them. Ara felt small out of a sudden. The voices surrounding her tuned out as their judging words replayed.   
Ara smiled bitterly and she wished the day would end quickly. 

~Flashback ended~

Ara sighed at the thought of gathering later. She shook her head and eventually decided to go with the excuse of food poisoning. 

“What exactly have you accomplished in life, Ara?” she spat those words out bitterly and it stung at her heart. 

Ara felt tears welling up in her eyes when she realized deep down inside, she knew the answer oh so well. Without infinite, she had nothing. Absolutely nothing. 

Driving down the road in the heart of the bustling city, Seoul, Ara felt so empty. The city was roaring with nightlife, filled with screams, laughter and excitement but here she was, feeling empty, dull and unaccomplished. Stopping by the convenience store, Ara found herself subconsciously walking to the refrigerator to pick up a kimbap in one hand drink for a long time before putting them back. Picking up the sandwich beside it, she headed for the cashier counter. 

The drive to the Han River felt longer than usual. Sitting by the river reflecting off the lights, she was overwhelmed by its beauty. It had been long since she had such alone time. She had always enjoyed the companion of her fellow fansite masters. But today, she really wanted to be alone. Finishing her sandwich, she threw the wrapper aside and stood up. Cupping her hands at her mouth, she screamed her lungs out. 

“Sungjin-ah please be happy!” Then, she squatted on the ground and cried her heart out.   
Couples walked by hand in hand, whispering stuff into each other’s ears as they saw her. They probably thought Ara was some poor girl who just broke up with her boyfriend. It was right to a certain extent, just that the love started as a one-sided love and will always remain as a one-sided love. It’s one that grows deeper and stronger and at the end of the day, only she gets hurt. Unlike her friends who could call her up when they broke up, she had no one to call. Because they could never understand. She can foresee them simply laughing off her pathetic fan love and ridicule her feelings with Sungjin. They would never understand how to her, Sungjin was way more than an idol. Since a long, long time ago.   
“To me, you’re like the reflection in the waters.” She dipped her hand in the water and laughed bitterly. More tears fell and Ara thought even the howling of the wind seemed to be mocking at her pathetic self. 

“Yah! What have you been up to these days?” ShinYe busted through the door and shook Ara by her shoulders dramatically.

“Just busy with this and that. . . “Ara paused, not knowing what to say. 

“Faster wash up! I got a tip that Sungjin and Dowoon will be going to his Sunbae’s concert!” ShinYe shoved Ara into the toiler, not giving her any chance to protest. 

“YAH! Are you going to just wear that to see Sungjin?” She glanced her outfit from head to toe.

“Wear this instead!” ShinYe took out a more presentable dress and forced her to change into it. 

“Are you done?” ShinYe tapped her feet impatiently. 

“Almost. I can’t zip this up. It’s kinda tight” Ara said and ShinYe turned around. 

“Breathe in” And she zipped it up in 1 second. 

“Let’s go! We’re going to be late for the concert~” She dragged her by the hand and Ara was amazed at how the booked cab arrived early for once. 

“Here” ShinYe passed Ara a black band to strap her DSLR to her thigh. 

She placed her lend into her bag and covered it with a scarf and other stuff. 

“Are the others coming?” Ara asked and ShinYe shook her head. 

“Nope, it was a sudden tip so I can only manage to tell you,” ShinYe said. 

“You bought the tip?” Ara asked and she nodded. 

Effortlessly, Ara and ShinYe smuggled their cameras in and started fixing their lens to the camera body. The concert started and from afar, Ara noticed the two members discreetly sneaking into their seats. Ara pointed and whispered to ShinYe “I see them”   
Posting the previews on Twitter, their tweets received many retweets and mentions within seconds. One particular message caught Ara’s eyes. 

Tweet by: LOVESUNGJINNIE  
@SUNGshineJin OMGGG!~~ Eonnie! How did you know oppa would be at the concert? :0 

Tweet by: MYloveis4DAY6  
@LOVESUNGJINNIE because they are rich sasaeng who follow our oppa everywhere. . . =.=

“Rich sasaeng. So to them, we are just rich sasaeng huh?” Ara rolled her eyes and logged out of the account. 

Sometimes, Ara wished there was a logout button in life. Or maybe, a reset button is better. 

*************“You are like a drug. The more I abstain from you, the more I can’t stay away”


	8. Chapter 8

The girls around Ara screamed hysterically as Sungjin came nearer to the mosh pit. Ara took a few steps back, unlike the others, “must know your concert manner Ara!” she muttered to herself. She needed to focus on her camera. Then, she noticed Sungjin seemingly throwing in her direction. Placing the camera down, she met eyes with him. He had confirmed her guess. He threw thrice at her but they were all snatched away by other fans. Showing his empty basket, he pouted in Ara’s direction. Ara felt her heart being squeezed at his sweet gesture. She mouthed ‘Gwenchana’ at him and he nodded smiling before running off in a kid like a manner. 

Confetti flew in all directions as the instrumental “congratulations” played in the background. The boys held onto each other’s hands and dipped their heads in the air for a 90 degrees bow. As usual, it lasted for a good 1 minute. The concert ended and Ara was about to leave when staff approached her. Biting her lips nervously, she discreetly slipped her memory card into her secret pocket. There were incidents when other MYDAYS reports to staff only at the end of the concert that fan sites took videos during the concert. And she seriously hated those bitter fans. 

“Yes?” Ara kept her calm composure. 

“For you,” The staff said, handing her a teddy bear and a black crane. 

“Who is this from?” She asked.

The staff didn’t respond and just left her there baffled. 

Sitting at the café in the hotel, Ara took the bear and the crane out from her bag. She didn’t know why but her hands started to unfold the crane unconsciously. Ara found tears welling up in her eyes when her prediction was proven correct. It was from Sungjin. She recognized his handwriting in a heartbeat and his words made her feel guilty. 

감사합니다 . . . 죄송합니다. 

”What are you even sorry for?” Ara tightened her grip on the paper, crumpling it slightly.   
The café play a familiar song, ‘you did well today’ Ara hadn’t heard for a long time. It was a song that DAY6 covered. The song brought back memories, too many memories in just 3 minutes. Ara remembered their first concert when DAY6 had little fans back then. She remembered the smile on Sungjin face when he saw the crowd that was waiting for them to perform. She remembered the look on his face when they received their first win after 3 years. She remembered the first time Sungjin called her by her name at the fan meeting. 

Ara lowered her head in embarrassment and guilt. She had promised to be there for him from the start, till the end. She was supposed to support him unconditionally but she didn’t know when and how she started to get greedier. She wanted more of his attention. She wanted to look at only her. She wanted him for herself, just like the other possessive fans. Ara thought she was disgusting acting like that, she wanted to despise herself. 

“I should be sorry instead, Sungjin-ah you deserve to be happy no matter what” She sighed and folded the crane back. 

Honestly, it didn’t and shouldn’t matter. Whether he had a girlfriend or not, she thought to herself. After all, he would never be hers. 

She was destined to be his fan forever. 

“I should have known my position” She laughed bitterly.

“Are you tired?” ShinYe asked. 

Ara turned to face her with her eyes closed. She nodded. 

“My heart is tired too,” She thought silently to herself. 

“In that case, hurry and sleep” ShinYe muttered her breath. 

Ara nodded once more before drifting to sleep. 

“DAY6 is not departing early, why are we checking in so early today?” ShinYe asked, yawning with her mouth wide open. 

“YAH!” Ara covered her mouth and gave her a glare. 

“Sorry” She stuck her tongue out cutely. 

“I wanted to get Sungjin a little gift,” Ara said as she glossed over the tourist shirt. 

“I think he’d like this” ShinYe pointed to a plain black shirt. 

After walking in the store for 15 minutes, Ara eventually settled with the black shirt that ShinYe pointed a while and had it wrapped nicely. 

“What are you writing?” ShinYe peered and Ara quickly finished off her last words and closed it.   
“Secret,” She said before slipping into the bag. 

“This is for you!!” Ara hurried along and passed the bag to Sungjin. His hands were filled with other fan gifts but he still took hers with a grateful nod and warm smile. 

Ara hurriedly took her camera up to take a few shots before entering the immigration. 

In the plane, Ara looked over to see Sungjin still holding onto her gift bag. It seemed that he had passed the other gifts for safekeeping by his manager. It was the same action like these that made her fall for him even deeper. So deep that she wondered if she could ever get out of this black hole. Her love for him was getting out of hand and it was difficult for her now. Closing her eyes, Ara wished the plane would take her worries away as it takes off. 

“Sungjin hyung, who gave this to you?” Dowoon asked. 

Sungjin looked over in Ara’s direction and smiled. 

“Ara-sshi did” 

Reading her card brought a wide grin on Sungjin’s face. When YoungK was about to take a peek Sungjin hurriedly closed it and kept it safely in his clutch. 

“What’s that?” His curious gaze still not leaving the clutch. 

“Nothing much” He replied and closed his eyes, hugging the clutch to sleep. 

The announcement that they will be reaching Incheon airport in 15 minutes woke Ara up. She stretched her arms in the air and looked around. Some of her friends were still sleeping while others had their laptops open, they were busy editing their photos to post once they arrive. She looked over at the boys and saw Jae annoyed by Wonpil again. Sungjin was looking out in the window and when he turned back, they met eyes. 

Sungjin smiled in a way that made her heart race every single time. 

Ara smiled back before reclining in her seat and closing her eyes. Her heart was thumping wildly in her ribcage as if wanting to be set free. She felt conflicted. 

Seems like the plane didn’t take her worries away, not even the slightest. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, we have arrived at Incheon Airport. The time now is 2:00 AM KST” 

***********************************“The nearer I am to you, the further I see our distance”


	9. Chapter 9

Finishing up the pink ribbon tightly, Ara placed the gift on top of the pile of other presents. With the help of other countries' donation support manager and GO managers, she had helped Sungjin collect gifts with love from MYDAYS all other the world. The birthday fan support was really successful this year, she thought. There were many different gifts, ranging from branded gifts, bags, and musical instruments accessories. She stretched her hand in the air and checked the time to realize it was 4 AM already. Switching off the room lights, she checked her phone in bed. There were several mentions on Twitter and comments on her Instagram accounts. Ara subconsciously recalled those days when even a single notification sound from her phone would surprise her. Before she drifted off to dreamland, she made a mental note that she had to send the gifts to JYP before daybreak.   
After dropping the gifts at the company, Ara headed straight for the airport. DAY6 had a scheduled appearance in a festival in Busan. The other fansite masters were all gathered at Starbucks before her. Some of them were touching up their make up while others were on their phones, Ara naturally took the seat beside ShinYe. 

“Hi” ShinYe greeted with a bright smile. 

The crowd went frenzy of DAY6’s van. The scream at the airport was even louder than the fanchants at concerts, Ara thought. Focusing her lens at Sungjin who had shades on, she took a few quick snaps. He was wearing a simple white shirt but he still looked perfect. He bowed his head slightly and gave an awkward smile as fans swarmed forward. The manager was yelling and showing slightly for the fans to move then someone screamed. 

“You touched me!” She screamed with tears brimming in her eyes as she covered her breast. 

“It was an accident! You were too near and I . . . I didn’t mean it” The manager held both his hands up and defended. He look around nervously at the menacing glares from the surrounding fans. 

The craziness died down slightly at the commotion. Sungjin parted the crowd and made his way to them with his brows knitted. He bowed 90 degrees to the fan. 

“I apologize on behalf of our manager if there was any misunderstanding,” he said and stayed in his position. 

“I-It’s okay, Sungjin oppa” she stuttered and Sungjin got up. 

The fans were in a daze as she watched Sungjin apologizing and bowing to the fan. With that, everything was resolved. The members moved on with the manager’s facial expression getting darker than ever. 

The fansites who were inside the immigration kept their cameras hidden knowing that DAY6’s manager was not in the best mood. The last thing they wanted was to be scolded by the manager. Ara met eyes with the manager who shot her a distasteful look before rolling his eyes. Ara couldn’t wait to get on the plane. Entering the business class, she struggled to put her hand-carry into the cabin. 

“Let me help you” 

Ara smiled in gratitude as she thanked the steward for his help. Reclining in the familiar airplane seat. Ara drifted off to dreamland. She was deprived of sleep for the past weeks due to the birthday support. 

Upon arriving at Gimhae airport, Ara checked her phone and realize it only had 10% battery left. Switching it off, she stuffed it into her hand carry bag. It took approximately 30 minutes before they reached the 5-star hotel that she booked in advance. Leaving her hand-carry at the side, Ara plopped herself in the fluffy white hotel bed. 

“I am so sleepy” she mumbled against the pillow softer than fur. 

“This hotel is awesome!” ShinYe yelled as she sprawled on the bed beside Ara. 

After an hour, ShinYe’s phone vibrated, waking them up from their quick nap. 

“Jae, Wonpil, and YoungK are heading outside to go to burger king” ShinYe read the message. 

“Did they say where Sungjin is at?” Ara stifled a yawn as she rubbed her eyes.

“They didn’t but they said that Dowoon is going to the pool alone” ShinYe clasped her hands together and her eyes sparkled. 

“Then I am going back to sleep, bye” Ara shot her hand up in the air lazily as she crashed into the bed. 

“YAH!~~~ Go with me before Dowoon is gone!” ShinYe whined like a kid. 

“Pleaseeeee~” she continued whining as she tugged Ara’s arm repeatedly. 

“Fine, fine” Ara gave up as she sat up. 

“Where is the pool~” ShinYe sang sweetly, swinging Ara’s hand like a kid. 

“OMO” ShinYe covered her eyes as she spotted Dowoon and his bare upper body. 

“Miss your fingers look parted and it seems like someone is blushing” Ara teased as she put her hands down. 

“Let’s go” ShinYe said after a while. 

“We are leaving already?” Ara looked at her in surprise. 

“It’s Dowoon’s healing time he would be uncomfortable if he sees us here. Let’s not disturb him.” ShinYe smiled as she walked off first. 

Trailing behind ShinYe, Ara whined to go back to their room so she could sleep some more.   
“Don’t sleep~~ let’s go shopping” ShinYe hooked arms with Ara and dragged her into the boutique stores. 

“I am so happy” Ara exclaimed as she helps her new shopping bags up proudly. 

“Me too” ShinYe shrieked as she spun around the hotel lobby with her shopping bags. 

Returning to the hotel room, Ara took her phone out from her hand-carry and switched it on. She wanted to post on instagram all the things she bought today. She laughed upon realizing she had so much fun today that she had completely forgotten about her phone. As she switched her phone on, it surprised her to see 10 voicemail and several unread messages on her Kakaotalk. 

“What’s wrong?” She mumbled to herself as she opened her family chat. 

“Eonnie! Appa is in the hospital, where are you?” 

“Eonnie! Why are you not picking up?”

“Eonnie! I am scared”

“Eonnie, return my call once you see this” 

Ara almost dropped her phone upon reading the message. With trembling hands, she dialed her sister’s number. Thousands of possibility of what could have happened flashed across her mind. It felt like eternity before her sister picked up. 

“What happened,” Ara asked with her voice on the verge of cracking. 

“Appa got into an accident because his car skidded” her sister replied.

“Is he hurt badly?”

“He is fine now” Ara heaved a sigh of relief. 

“But he is still unconscious, the doctor said he lost too much blood on his forehead wound and he has a fracture on his thigh. But he would be awake in the next hour. The doctor would perform some scans later” her sister whispered calmly. 

“Where is she?” Ara heard her mom’s voice. 

“Tell mom that I am in Busan but I will take the earliest flight~”

“What is she doing chasing those stupid idols when her dad is in the hospital?” Her mom screamed with her voice cracking slightly at the end. She was probably crying just now she figured. 

“I will be back now” Ara informed as she hung up. 

“So that was what she truly felt the whole time. . .” She thought to herself. 

All along, she thought she was supportive of her following her heart. She had always thought it was only her father who was against it. 

Calling the airline company that they owned, she booked the earlier flight back. 

“Dad is awake” Her sister texted her. Ara silently heaved a sigh of relief. 

A thankful teardrop slid from her eye as she replied. “I will be back in Seoul in 4 hours’  
Putting her phone down, Ara picked up her hand carry bag and the things that she shopped. ShinYe sitting on the bed with a pout. 

“You’re really not going to watch their performance? It’s only in 2 hou~” 

“My dad is sick, He is more important than our oppa right now, don’t you know?” Ara snapped. 

“I am sorry I thought he was getting better so I” ShinYe was at a loss of words suddenly.

“I am sorry ShinYe I just have to go” Ara shut the hotel room door behind her abruptly. 

In the hotel lift, Ara knew she shouldn’t have been so harsh with her words. ShinYe said that only because she thought Ara’s dad was down with a bad flu since she lied to her. Ara didn’t want her to recall her family’s car accident. Shaking her head, she shook those thoughts out of her head. She had no time to be guilty over such small matters. 

Reaching the hospital, Ara half jogged to the ward the nurse her father was admitted into. Before she could barge in, she heard her father’s laughter. She stopped and stared. Looking through the glass, she watched her sister peeling an apple for her father. Her parents appeared to be laughing at a joke her sister cracked a moment ago. The family scene looked so complete and heartwarming, even without her. Her hands-on the door hesitated for a moment before pushing it open. She thought the room felt into an awkward silence at her arrival. 

“Appa are you alright?” Ara asked worriedly as she placed her hand-carry down. 

He nodded at her question but gave no further response. 

“Eonni, you must be tired and hungry, do you want to get some food outsid---“ her sister tried to break the stiff silence. 

“I am fine” Ara cut her off. 

“Is that how you should be speaking to your sister?” Her mother scolded. 

“I – “Before Ara could have defended herself, her father held his hand up. 

“I am tired, I need some rest. All of you can go back home first” He lied down slowly with the help of his wife supporting his back. 

Ara bit her inner cheek so hard that she felt the skin tear a little. 

**************“I am going to you but why it is only getting harder and harder?”


	10. Chapter 10

The car ride back home was so deafeningly silent. Ara suddenly recalled the days when their family would go on a road trip together to a faraway beach in the rural skirtings of Korea. It had been so long since they went on such trips together. She knew she was to blame for ruining her family's plans most of the time because of DAY6 sudden last-minute schedules. Her family always understood and gave in when she said she couldn't make it. Perhaps, they were always so understanding because they were one family. And perhaps, there is a limit to everything including family tolerance and forgiveness.

"I'm sorry" was what Ara wanted to say but instead, she said something else spiteful.

"I took the earliest flight back from Busan. I did the best I could to rush back, why are you still angry at me?"

"Priorities. . . Between DAY6 and our family, it seems that you've chosen something else already" Her mother said coldly. 

"These are two different matters, why are you being so unreasonable?" Ara felt warm tears brimming in her eyes. 

"I am getting dizzy, let's stop this topic" Her mother massaged her temples. 

"Please stop ahead" Ara instructed. 

Getting off the car hastily with her hand carry, she shut the door and ignored her sister's calling. 

Ara watched her mother open her mouth to say something before the car drove off. Tears that she was holding back the entire car ride came pouring down like a waterfall. Strangers at the bus stop cast weird glances at her but she couldn't care less. Ara sat like this, crying her heart out for hours. It was soon evening. The sky was a mixture of beautiful streaks of pink and orange, well contrasting Ara's mood right now. Then, Ara laughed. She laughed so hard at her pathetic self that her sides hurt so much that she started tearing up. Here she was being all pathetic, crying her eyes out and there Sungjin rocking the dazzling stage in Busan. 

For the past 6 years, she knew she had sacrificed so much just for him. All along, she thought it she looked only at him and nothing else, she could keep going to him no matter how hard the journey gets. She told herself that she didn't mind even if her friends thought she was delusional and dumb, as long as she could keep supporting him to the highest peak. She promised to be there to support him when he falls. But who is there to support her when she falls and gets all bruised like now? 

He never knew the amount of tears she had shed for him, the number of sleepless nights, and the things she had to cast aside on this journey. The road towards him only gets rougher and rougher. She didn't know if she could still keep going, just fixing her gaze on him. Could she really continue loving him at all stakes? Ignoring her tired soul? Prioritizing him over her family? Loving him like this was like wading alone against the strong currents and she was getting really worn out already. 

She wasn't sure anymore. 

"Sungjin oppa, I am so tired. . ." She buried her face in her lap and cried. 

Then, her phone vibrated. 

@SUNGshineJIN   
Eonnie! Why are you not posting any previews yet?!

@SUNGshineJIN  
Others have even uploaded HDs. . . Is earning through fan support the only thing you care about?

Ara thew her phone onto the concrete ground with more tears spilling from her eyes. 

At the end of the day, this is all she gets. She laughs, once more. 

"OMO, Ara! Why are you drinking so much?" Jihyun, Ara's best friend gasped. 

"Oh, Jihyun-ah~ You're here! I thought you wouldn't come when I called you" She laughed half empty. 

"Aigoo, how many bottles have you drank already?" She shook her head, attempting to take the empty bottles from her hand. 

"Why wouldn't I come--" 

Then Ara threw her hands around her best friend and started crying. 

"I thought you'd despise me too. . . " She cried into her shoulder. 

"Pabo, why would I do that?" Jihyun stroked her head gently, as if afraid to hurt her if she exerted a little more strength. 

"You're going to be a successful psychologist but I-I am just nothing . . . " 

Jihyun-ah I am so tired. . . I want to stop being a fansite master but I. . . I . . . don't know anymore . . . " Jihyun felt her shoulders wet. 

Do you want to hear what I really feel about this?" Jihyun asked. She nodded against her shoulder. 

"6 years back when you told me you want to be a fansite, I was one of the only few that told you to follow your heart, to be honest. I regretted" 

~Flashback~ 

"Jihyun! I've made up my mind, I am going to set up a fansite account for Sungjin! I am so excited! look at the number of followers I've gotten even before I start posting!" She blabbered on excitedly. 

"You'd support me, right?" She asked. 

"Of course! You're my best friend. And we should follow our hearts and do more of what we like since we are still young" She affirmed and the two spent the remaining of the day editing photos at the cafe. 

~End of flashback~ 

"As the years passed, I feel like I'm seeing less of the bright, excited, and genuine smiles you always had on our high school days. Whenever we meet, you'd talk less and built walls around us for fear that we'd judge what you've been doing recently. Sometimes, I felt like I have lost you while you chased after them"

Ara remained silent but Jihyun knew she was still listening. 

Ara, you are just addicted to the fame and appreciation by other fans. These people are just worshipping you to get HD pictures, one day if you stop posting they'd all leave you. One day, your followers and fame, all will eventually fade away into nothing. At the end of this journey, the ending would be the members being extremely rich and they would find someone they love and get together with them. But what about you? Are you really going to continue spending thousands or even millions of won just to support them till the end and silently fade into the darkness when it's all over? You've lost so much already in these 6 years. It's time for you to stop and start thinking about yourself" Jihyun held Ara up by her shoulder to find her eyes tightly shut. 

Her usual lip-biting habit, she thought. She always does that to control her emotions. 

"Can I have the bill please?" She raised her hand. 

"I'll leave you to think for yourself," Jihyun said knowing she was still listening. 

"Why did you drink so much?" Ara's mom replaced the warm towel on her forehead. 

"Mom didn't mean it when I scolded you, I just wanted you to think more for yourself and our family" She sighed stroking her hair. 

"What has become of my beautiful daughter?" Her calloused fingertip traced Ara's weary dark circles. 

"I am sorry mom" Ara silently whispered as she shut her eyelids tight. 

"Sleep tight, my daughter mom loves you" She pulled the covers for her and left the room. 

A teardrop slide from the side of her tightly shut eyes as the door closed softly. 

"I'm sorry"

This time, the apology was meant for someone else. Someone whom she thought she could love infinitely. 

*******************"Maybe, it'd hurt less to be the one who leaves first"


	11. End

Ara looked down at the black envelope in her hands. The queue to the front of the stage seemed to be moving faster than ever. Everything around her was blurry and all she could see was him, flashing his best, humble smile at every fan. That was Park Sungjin whom she fell in love with for the past 6 years of her life. That Park Sungjin who would give his 200% in everything. Her eyes had never left him ever since she first saw him. 

"Please move forward, No photography allowed" the guard repeated in his monotone voice. 

Sungjin was the last in line. Ara sat before him and handed him the letter while he was signing halfway. Sungjin stopped signing and looked up in surprise. He met eyes with her reddened and swollen eyes. it surprises him. 

"W-what's wrong Ara-sshi?" He asked. 

Shaking her head vigorously, Ara forced her best smile at him. A tear slipped from her eyes as she hesitantly stood up when the guard behind him shove her slightly, prompting her to move on. 

"Thank you for the beautiful memories all this time. I'm sorry Sungjin oppa. Please read this" Ara managed to choke out those words she spent the entire night rehearsing. 

Then, she left without looking back. She was afraid if she looked back, she wouldn't be able to move on. 

"What's wrong with your fansite today?" Jae asked casually in the van. 

"Stop the van," Sungjin said. 

"What's wrong," Wonpil asked. 

"I said stop," He said once more, putting the letter down. 

"We have another fan signing to rush to, continue driving" Their manager butted in.

Sungjin punched his thigh hard at his words as he crumpled the letter in his other hand. 

~~~~  
Dear Sungjin

The past 6 years knowing you have been the happiest years of my life. Thank you for brightening my days like the sun, accompanying my darkest days like the moon and for always shining brighter than the brightest star in my galaxy. I've always thought I could unconditionally be your fan for a long time to come, just looking at you from afar, however, I guess I can't do it anymore. I am sorry, I am sorry for breaking the promise I always say in my every letter to you to be there for you infinitely. I am sorry for being selfish and writing this letter to you. 

I love you and I still do. However, things have become difficult for me to continue loving you like this. I know you'd continue to shine brightly even without me, just another fan in the platinum gold sea, so please continue to shine brighter than ever. I will treasure these memories you've gifted me for a long, long time. And please always know you're truly perfect so please don't doubt yourself anymore. Please stay healthy and happy always! Smiling Sungjin is the most handsome! For the last time, allow me to say this. 사랑해 . . . Thank you for all the beautiful memories. 

With love,  
Ara

"Yah! You bad girl!" ShinYe hit Ara on her shoulder as she burst into tears. 

"How could you just quit the fandom and ignore me like this?" She half yelled. 

Ara smiled at her kid like friend who was crying like a baby. Hugging her, she apologized. Her heart warmed when she bothered to find her at her doorstep. 

"Is DAY6 the only thing that holds our friendship together. . . You bad girl!" She cried into her shoulder. 

"My crybaby ShinYe shall we continue crying in the car? I go to rush to the airport now" She laughed dragging her by her hand. 

"You're flying again? I am so bored in Seoul while my best friend is flying all over the world" she pouted. 

"Can't be helped. My boss trust me this much" She winked smugly, earning a hit on the arm. 

"What's your new photography destination this time?" She asked. 

"Paris" Ara answered with a dreamy look. 

"We used to travel there together. . . Do you remember?" ShinYe sighed, looking out of the window.

"I will always remember" Ara smiled. 

The topic ended there. Neither did Ara ask how were DAY6 doing nor did ShinYe updated her about their recent activities. The traffic lights turned red. Ara stepped on the brakes and looked out the window too. A bus stopped beside Ara's car and it had Sungjin's birthday advertisement on it. She stared at it for a long time and she knew she missed him. Absence only made the heart grow fonder. However, this was the closest she would allow herself to see him. 

"I'll ask you out for a drink when I am back in Seoul" Ara patted her head. 

"Promise?" ShinYe stuck her pinky finger out like a kid. 

"Promise" She hooks fingers with her childishly and left for departures. 

See you in 1 month" ShinYe waved both arms in the air. 

She nodded.

~5 years later . . . 

"Your photographs are truly amazing" The middle-aged man complimented her. 

"Thank you, you're too kind" Ara bowed slightly in gratitude for his kind words. 

"I'll take this," He said, signing a cheque. 

After sending the customer off at the exit with the other staff, Ara stretched her arms in the air. 

"I must be growing old. I am getting tired from standing the entire day" She yawned. 

"I'll go get some coffee, anybody wants?" She asked.

"if it's boss treats, of course," They chimed and Ara laughed in response at their cheekiness. 

Returning with iced Americanos in both hands, she handed it to her staff. 

"Oh right! A man left this note just now" One of the staff handed her a paper. 

~  
To: Photographer Lee

Your photograph are really beautiful. It always makes me smile just looking at it so I got one of your masterpieces to hang it up somewhere I can see every day. Someone once said I'm most handsome when I smile so I guess with your help, I can be handsome every day now ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ Thank you! 

-PSJ

"Where's the man?" Ara tightened her grip on the plastic Starbucks cup. 

"He just left a couple of minutes ago" She replied. 

Ara found herself running out of the art gallery but the weekend crowd was too overwhelming. She lost him amidst the mass crowd, just like how he lost her back then. Maybe, sometimes, some things are fated the way it ought to be. She sighed, looking down at the note with the handwriting she would never forget even in a thousand years. She crumpled the note slightly as she scanned the crowd desperately but to no avail. Dejected, she headed back to the gallery with the note in her hand. Maybe, they were just two parallel lines that had accidentally crossed paths. Now, everything is simply back to how it should be. 

"I missed you" She whispered in her heart, something she had forced herself not to admit for the longest time. 

"Excuse me, I'm sorry but I think you might have wrapped up the wrong piece for me" The bells on the entrance door chimed as someone entered. 

**********************People come and go in life. Some leaves footprints that can bever be erased from your heart"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading "Fansite" to the very last chapter.
> 
> It's been a roller coaster ride for me. 
> 
> I will truly appreciate every single reader and commenter. 
> 
> Please give this fic some love by leaving your feedback so I can use them as motivation in my next series. 
> 
> With so much love <3


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